Apple is finally a Religion

How’s a religion work? Basically, they keep you wishing but never fulfill your wishes. However, they keep on preaching to you and make you believe that your prayers will come true, and of course, they need your charitable donation from time to time.

It’s not what i wanted, Apple is finally a Religion.

And the Economist Magazine knows, but didn’t get it all right by putting Steve Jobs on the Economist cover as God or Jesus Christ (I am sure it’s gonna offend some Christians).

Back in the day, although people said that apple is like a religion, it’s not because I’ve never known of any religion that fulfills your dream. I dreamt of a computer that is easy to use, compact and pretty and you know what! I had my first iMac 1 GHz G4 flat panel. I am still using it right now writing my blog with this antique iMac. It just works!

I am a medium music fan with around 4000 songs. Before I had an iPod, I was using my MD player and I had to carry 10 discs with me everyday. I remember I wished there is a gadget which can carry all my music, then an iPod came out and my wish was fulfilled in addition with its handsomeness.

But then I didn’t have any dream about apple because they basically made faster and larger capacity Macs and ipods.

Oh I did, I dreamt of the MacBook Air but its price scared me off.

After a few years, iPhone is my dream come true again, even tho I never dreamt of anything as good as this. I can put most of my favorite songs into the iPhone and I can email, facebook, twitter and read blogs any time anywhere I want. And apps help me kill time and do my work! Isn’t that the device everyone dreamt of?

But the iPad,

is it something you are praying for?

And the iPad,

is it something you are dreaming of?

And Steve Jobs,

Is he listening to your prayers?

No, he is just listening to the share holders or the market analysts .

Does he care about you anymore?

No, he just cares about the stock price.

And is the iPad finally making Steve Jobs a God?

No, he is rather like a pope.

After all, he is just a human being- and most importantly- one business man.

每個人身邊都有一個老公公（aka 老公豬，哨牙聰）

法官嘅判詞話老公公說謊、不可信，甚至一早部署爭產，為自己度身訂做証據。

點解法官會咁話佢呢？因為老公公當所有人係小田田。當所有人都係kai嘅。

是咁的：

老公公接受華懋一方律師盤問時，被問到為何在錄影帶中，小田田稱呼他做「公公」，老公公否認「公公」的稱呼代表自己與龔如心是太監的關係，他說小田田曾經用過三個稱呼來叫他，初相識時叫他「老公豬」，之後就叫「老公公」，因為小田田說叫王７輝做老公，所以叫老公公做老公公。

咁都俾老公公過到骨嘅話，呢個法官一定俾ICAC請飲latte。不過，我不嬲都好佩服面皮成哩厚嘅人（例如民建聯啲人），咁嘅大話都講得出嘅人係有一定嘅本事。我不得不orz佢地。

我身邊都出現過老公公，本來我好鄙視佢㗎。但係有一件事令我由衷咁佩服到orz。

是咁的：

話說呢位老公公係一間民主派（但實行君主制及山頭主義）報紙集團嘅“高層“。有一次真嘅高層唔得閒去上早朝面聖，咁呢位老公公就有個机會上早朝見至英嘅聖上，呈吓功又好，丟吓假又好，留個印像點都好。輪到老公公品佈嘅時候，佢就佢地做緊嘅手机短片project，建議一個”membership” system，至英嘅聖上聽到“membership“呢個term之後龍顏大怒，話”membership“係唔撚work嘅！咁呢位老公公當然好撚醒目地，小咀微張地，頭部向前微傾地，淯底又有吉屎地說：“我唔係講“membership“，我講“REMEMBER”啫。如果我在現場，我會好似啲人睇完歌劇，企起身拍三分鐘手，有玫瑰的話會拋俾佢。所以，佢啲同事知道佢再有机會面聖的話，我建議佢地訂定玫瑰。（我有相熟花店，撻我個朵，我諗佢地會收平你。訂情人節花都得㗎！）

由membership變成remember，嗰份勇氣細唔過由“公公“變成“老公公“。面皮嘅厚度亦可以以里或公里計算。我知道呢位老公公佢都係信命理之人。你，俾啲心机！做一個真真正正嘅老公公啦！你得㗎！！！（我要用感嘆號，唔用感嘆號，佢睇唔明我寫乜㗎！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！）

iPad isn’t a failure. there’s a sad story behind

Everyone was so hyped with apple newest product – iPad.

But Everyone is disappointed…Steve Jobs is a genius. He never fails us, Apple products never disappoint us. He is not stupid enough to create an oversized iPod touch to fool us. But the iPad apparently is a failure to all the apple fans(they say it is not innovative, it is just a oversized iPod touch, a sissy name, no multitasking, no flash…bah bah bah)

WHY?

From the insider news, Steve Jobs was kidnapped (he wasn’t ill), that’s why he was disappeared for months and, they starved him until he says yes to make the oversized iPod touch for these two big freaks. Steve could only named the device a sissy name to get them back. Oh poor Steve…

But it is a disaster, they are not happy with the name and fought about it.

They distorted the infinite loop and made a mess there and finally, Steve Jobs solved the problem by launching a “new” product in a few weeks…

十面埋伏嘅Sliding Doors

大家有冇睇過“Sliding Doors”呢套戲呢？

咁陳奕迅嘅十面埋伏有聽過有冇？

我諗呢位嚴國強議員一定冇睇過，如果佢有，我就好驚，講堅咁驚！因為以民建聯嘅財力物力，佢地一定會請Gwyneth Paltrow同陳奕迅合作拍翻套咁嘅戲。咁就大劑喇！

劇情：

某個星期三的早上，在公關公司工作的Gwyneth Paltrow被解僱，失落的她打算過馬路，當她來到馬路邊的時候，剛好轉紅公仔。

• 電影分開兩個不同時空，並同時進行：  第一個時空：Gwyneth Paltrow過唔到馬路，並在路邊遇到陳奕迅。其後，Gwyneth Paltrow提早回到家，發現其同居男友甘威正與其他女人偷情。傷心的她後來到喝酒解悶，並再次遇到陳奕迅，與他發展成一對情侶，更在他的提議下，到廟街食煲仔飯……
• 第二個時空：Gwyneth Paltrow因為嚴國強議員嗰三秒過到馬路，並坐的士回家。當Gwyneth Paltrow準備揚手的時候，她被陳巧文打，並受了傷。在醫院把傷口治理好後，她回到家，與甘威偷情的女人已經走了，Gwyneth Paltrow依然被瞞騙着。之後，Gwyneth Paltrow身兼數職，以維持生計。

到了電影的結局，Gwyneth Paltrow在兩個時空同樣發現自己懷孕，並且遇到嚴重的意外。

• 結局一：第一個時空與陳奕迅成為戀人的Gwyneth Paltrow，到廟街食煲仔飯，卻遇上漒水彈。在醫院裏，醫生告訴陳奕迅，受重傷Gwyneth Paltrow小產，他的孩子沒有了，而且Gwyneth Paltrow返魂乏術，最後她死在陳奕迅的懷裏。塊面同塊西都爛晒！唔係點解釋到小產！

• 結局二：第二個時空的Gwyneth Paltrow終於發現甘威偷情的事，在傷心與方寸盡失的情況下，她失足從二樓的樓梯跌落地下。受重傷的Gwyneth Paltrow失去甘威的骨肉，幸好她在手術後康復過來，並與甘威分手。在Gwyneth Paltrow出院的時候，她在電梯中遇到來醫院探望母親的陳奕迅，搵嚴國強議員註冊婚禮，並發現完來係佢嗰三秒救咗Gwyneth Paltrow的性命。入咗民建聯，做埋共產黨，搭高鐵上大陸渡蜜月。

民建聯一定會派飛添！

By the way, 嚴國強議員似唔似如花呀？

真係咁橋？！！！Gwyneth Paltrow老公隊band coldplay抄陳奕迅十面埋伏個MV呀！！！陳奕迅見到Gwyneth Paltrow一定要反映吓。

放屁

有時會喺被裡面放個靚屁再一下將女友個頭塞入去。呢啲咪係情趣。但係有一次我輸晒！因為佢放咗個勁臭嘅屁搞到我嗰晚要瞓梳化！乜嘢𨳒！我明白放屁喺每個人都雖要做嘅事之一，就好似喺twitter，blog 打廢post一樣。

是咁的，有一日我搭地鐵，成車到係人咁啦。喺我面前嘅係一位衣冠楚楚，樣子不錯，一看上去便知道佢係專業人仕，就算你睇唔出，佢都會話你知，就好似。。。大家有冇睇過少林足球呀，我諗如果呢個專業人仕去踢波，如果佢係醫生，佢一定會喺袟浪底跌個聽筒出嚟。說「我本身是一名醫生，這個聽筒是用來聽診用的。很合理吧！」跟住佢又跌支針筒出嚟。又說「作為一名醫生，有支針筒跟身也很合邏輯。」我就會說「行了，行了，我們知道你是醫生了。」

入番正題，呢位喺我前面的專業人仕放咗個臭屁！

我說「你個屁好臭！」

他說「係？我覺得好香喎，同我放出嚟係益咗大家！」

我說「係？但係你啲E.Coli走咗出嚟污染大家喎。」

我再說「仲有少量嘅methane添呀。」

我再再說「總之大庭廣眾放屁就係唔好啦。」

他說「我放屁其實係我自由，我放俾自己同一啲鐘意聞屁嘅人。」

我說「我怕你大庭廣眾放屁會影響你專業形像喎」

他說「作為專業人仕，啲屁係香嘅！」

我說「我輸晒！因為我唔會大庭廣眾放屁，同我未放過香嘅屁。」

完

Amigo的臭豆腐

是咁的，終於有机會到是本港首屈一指的法國餐廳Aimgo! Order咗佢地啲鵝肝，黑松露，係等嘅時候我啲口水流到停唔到咁，猶如泉湧！仲叫咗佢地嘅黃菌牛柳，你睇到呢度我諗你啲口水都巴巴聲咁射出嚟。但係，係我等待美食放入我嘅口腔再用我條脷上每一粒味蕾品味黑松露同用我嘅口腔內每一忽肉去感受法國鵝肝嘅口感嘅時候，有一陣非常熟悉嘅氣味由我個鼻哥lone刺入我個腦，刺中我同舊女友最愛去太子油站付近嗰檔臭豆腐嘅記憶。乜夥屌？Amigo有臭豆腐？我見到几磚臭豆腐喺隔離枱，而几個年輕人食得津津有味！而當時我同我鬼妹女友撐枱腳，佢聞到反晒胃，咁我梗係要做啲嘢。我話：「同我叫你個大廚出嚟！」咁個大廚緩緩咁行出嚟，我仲以為Aimgo請法國人整法國菜，但係原來行出嚟嘅係林雪咁樣擔住口煙著人字拖嘅麻甩佬。佢話佢係二廚而呢味Amigo臭豆腐係佢主理嘅。佢話想將香港哪咋食物帶入殿堂。所以佢用心良苦咁山長水遠叫人喺太子油站付近嗰檔臭豆腐買呢啲臭豆腐，用几百蚊一舊嘅價錢，介紹香港哪咋美食。而我入到嚟用個鼻聞到已經係認同我嘅臭豆腐。隔離枱嗰几個年輕人大聲叫好！仲話我冇思考能力, 又on9，啲傳媒話呢道喺食法國菜就喺得法國菜，好鈍。又話個Amigo廚師話係好嘢就係好嘢。

我話：「我都鐘意食臭豆腐咖哩魚旦車仔面，但要食臭豆腐咖哩魚旦車仔面，我自己識去街邊檔食，況且，我由戒奶食到而家！我今日入到嚟Amigo係食你地正宗法國菜！今日我係嚟感受吓真正法國美食文化嘅！」

P.S. 我終於明白成人影片其實係縮寫，正寫係成功人仕影片

P.P.S. 我再可以講吓jazz music pub裡面嘅punk仔。

The Founding of a Republic and Roman Polanski

Everyone knows our Super Historical movie “The Founding of a Republic” is full of stars that even made our beloved international action comedy movie star Jackie Chan acted as an optional character- a reporter (he wanted to be our greatest leader Chairman Mao. Dream on Jackie!) in the movie. I think he really hurt our feeling by saying that China made TV is gonna explode and that’s why he is the reporter in the movie. Being a reporter in a China is like a piece of shit.

No Respect! Get it, Jackie?

If you guys think that Han San ping, Huang Jian xin are the directors in this super historical movie, you are totally fooled. Our great China has enough money to hire a Oscar-winner to direct this movie. However, we can’t tell anyone that our Greatest CHINA movie is directed by a gwei lo. (don’t tell anyone! really!), so Han San ping, Huang Jian xin ARE the directors of our movie.

I am sure “The Founding of a Republic” is a great movie because it’s directed by the gwei lo that basically has similar experience. The greatest Oscar-winning artistic rapist who wants to save his ass.

Dog Lovers

Dear Dog Lovers,

If you tell me that you are loving me because I am ugly, why don’t you love this guy?

If you are loving me because I am annoying with my breathing, why don’t you get this fucking fat old guy?

If you are loving me because you like taking me to the vet with my health problems, why don’t you  get this fat old guy on the wheelchair?!!

If you think ugly is cute, unhealthy is adorable, annoying is lovely, be a communist chinese.

All the best,

Mr Newman

謝主隆因！

我唔係鄧麗欣，我知道謝主隆因應該係謝主隆恩。但係呢個謝主隆因係一條基因嚟㗎。信我！我係香港科技大學生物系畢業生，而家俾我發現到呢條咁嘅基因。呢期嘅諾貝爾獎我仲唔攞硬？！粗粗地邵逸夫獎都ＯＫ㗎，有冇人知道點申請呀？

講番條基因，呢條基因唔係淨係中國人先有，但係班鬼佬做咗咁多年人都參透唔到呢條基因，Hey Gwei los, You are fucking dumb! Anyway, whatever, hereunder點都好，站喺科學家嘅角度嚟講，我地要成日問點解，點樣同點算。咁先係追求知識嘅正確態度。淨係問點解嗰啲人係你老細！佢地淨係會講：「點解會咁㗎？！！我唔理！！！你同我死都要死掂佢！」所以佢地係老細，做唔到科學家。而嗰班打工仔就同老細啱啱相反，佢地並唔會問點解，佢地只係會識講：「老細發老脾呀！點算呀？點算呀？點算呀？點算呀？。。。」咁有乜嘢人會問點樣呢？答案係所有男人，佢地心裡面成日有條點樣問題就係：「點樣先可以將我嘅生殖器官放入呢個女性嘅生殖器官裡面呢？」點解？佢唔知！你又以為佢會之後諗點算咩？

頂！差咗去大西洋添，講番點解有呢條謝主隆因，點樣同點算。

點解﹣達爾文講過：「物競天擇，適者生存」（其實達爾文好似啲成日講「順我者生，逆我者亡」嘅奸角）自從有老細呢種生物嘅出現，我地要為咗生存，冇謝主隆因呢條基因嘅我地會只有死路一條，而我地嘅演進過程比達爾文講嘅進化論快好多好多，達爾文講嘅進化論係話我地要用十九几千年先由猩猩進化成人。但係謝主隆因呢個基因，自老細一出現，佢彭一聲咁喺我地嘅體內形成。喺咪好Amazing!

點樣﹣well。自從我地要食飯飲嘢買ＬＶ溝女交租供樓之後，我地身體裡面嘅內分秘失去平衡而令到基因突變。very simple! right?

Then 點算?﹣又要自從有老細呢種生物嘅出現，我地要為咗生存，冇謝主隆因呢條基因嘅我地會只有死路一條，我地要喺工作上唔單只要做到千依百順，仲要懷有一棵感恩嘅心。一棵唔夠嘅話就隊冧其他人挖埋佢地個心。工作能力並唔係一切，唔係唔係，工作能力並唔係同謝主隆因有關係。有啲人完全冇工作能力但係佢只有條謝主隆因嘅基因生到上面，生到好似一條生殖器官咁，（所以我地生物界叫呢種生物為撚樣）佢地就會扶搖直上。而謝主隆因令到我地喺工作上冇晒自由同民主同尊嚴，點算?所以好多人要走到街頭，又乜嘢香港良知，是非心，又乜乜五區總辭，乜嘢追求雙普選。講到尾，佢地只係平衡番佢地由謝主隆因帶嚟不平衡心理。但係好可惜，基因生到上面嗰班撚樣，佢地係唔會咁做㗎啦。。。因為佢地已經完全變種，令佢地有權力同關係，係survival for the fittest嘅最住嘅exammmmmmple!

G-R-E-A-T!

富中國特色的民主

中共繼發明了中國特色的社會主義（中國第五大發明！）之外其實仲暗啞底試行中國特色的民主！

得㗎！

我好肯肯定！（爽死了！）

he is so damn cute! I am in love.